i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
