I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize