I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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