I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
