don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
