GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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