I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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