Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
operation harelip BJ is a go
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
