apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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