I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
