"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
