So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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