she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
