I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
