the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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