u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
