he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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