My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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