should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
