I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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