Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
