butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
