I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
