it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize