Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
