i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
