So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
