I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
