One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
