PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
