it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
