I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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