do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
