I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can you bring me the toilet please
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize