the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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