so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
