His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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