i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
