Say something about gay babies.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
