Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"

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(256): View more from Alabama

I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.

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(512): View more from Texas

You're like the curious george of whores

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(719): View more from Colorado

Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.

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(513): View more from Ohio

With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

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(556): View more from

Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??

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(1978): View more from

He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle

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