Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
