thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
