just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
