Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
