I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
