she looked like the before picture.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
