that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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