Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
