I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize