i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
