A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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