please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
