Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
