can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i now understand why vodka
I believe in your delicious
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
