you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
