He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
