There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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