Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
