Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
