TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
