I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
