"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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