Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
