all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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