This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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