I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
