HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
