thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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