I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize