What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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