I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Congratulations! We have a period
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
