Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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