Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
