the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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