My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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