Can i not drive my cunt home
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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