This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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