is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
