I love black thongs
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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