the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
