If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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