I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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