one word: firstdatebathroomanal
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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