Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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