I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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