I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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