i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
