zippers are such a cool invention
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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