1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
