Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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