its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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