was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
